10 reasons why Scouse Seagulls are the hardest gulls in the UK

Love them, or hate them, and let’s face it most of us hate them, the Liverpool Seagull population has steadily risen in the last couple of years and they’re taking over the city one victim at a time!

If you’ve managed to walk the length of town and not been splattered with their white/green/yellow/brown* (delete as appropriate) sh*t then you’re like some kind of lucky talisman.

Furthermore, if you’ve managed to eat any food from a polystyrene tray or maccies box and not been dive-bombed or screeched at so loud that you drop it, again, count yourself lucky, youre probably next!

Here’s ten reasons why Scouse seagulls are the hardest around…

 

  1. They have their own Facebook page, SERIOUSLY. Check out facebook.com/seagullsofliverpool it’s actually hysterical. The owner of the page (who may or may not be a seagull) had this to say:

“Liverpool seagulls are undoubtedly the bad boys (and girls) of the bird world – just look at the way they strut around the city centre, looking you up and down with those piercing eyes and scaring off pigeons with a quick flap of the wings. They’re not scared of anyone, which is maybe why you’ll find so many hanging out by Liverpool Crown Court every day”

 

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  1. They love a bit of limelight. Tourists who visit our fabulous city are writing reviews about them on Trip Advisor, Wanderlust and tonnes of social media posts. They’re famous!

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  1. They’re getting more and more brazen. It was reported back in March that one greedy get tried to carry off an 11 week old Chihuahua pup! And not just from a garden or park, actually out of the arms of its owner!

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  1. Even the ‘ald ones down Greaty Market aren’t safe. A seagull gang went on an anti-social behaviour spree, dive-bombing a group of Nan’s for bags of crusty cobs and ham off the meat man. Little sh*ts.

 

  1. They’re not picky about their victims. From Vera who owns the bedding stall at Greaty to world famous pianist Paul Lewis, who, having just finished rehearsals at the Philharmonic Hall last year, was attacked by a nesting seagull and hurt his hand as he fell!

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  1. They’re Classy. Obviously having decided to move up in the world, these bad ass birds have even moved into One Park West and regularly dine at Chavasse Park restaurants.

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  1. They look menacing. They’re not even cute, are they? In some Mogwai/Gremlin type evolution they’ve grown to the size of small dogs some of them. Our office discussion threw up words like Terradactyl and Albatross, in between fits of laughter at who has been sh*t on the most! (PS it’s Jay)

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  1. They’ve learned to speak the language. It’s well documented online by tourists who have noticed that our seagulls sound different and even the RSPB have confirmed that birds have the ability to adapt to a local dialect. How long until we hear “Ehhhhhhhh give us a bite of your Big Mac lad”

 

  1. Scouse seagulls love to try all the latest trends and they’re not even bothered if it goes wrong. Take the plucky gull who tried that new fake tan from the home and bargain and came out looking like it’s dive-bombed a fat of chicken tikka masala…..oh no wait, it was chicken tikka masala. Legend!

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  1. They scare aware pigeons. Enough said.

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It looks like the birds are here to stay, we’re hoping for some kind of peace agreement in the not too distant future! Scouse Seagulls, we salute you!

 

By Kate Reilly James

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